Thank Your Lucky Jetstars

When it comes to air travel, few Australians appreciate how lucky they are. Next time you're inconvenienced by Virgin Blue, Qantas or Jetstar, think twice before you complain. It could be worse. You could be in Europe.

On a Qantas flight from Sydney to Cairns, the passenger beside me is livid when the captain announces a 10-minute delay. I recount the following stories of Continental chaos and those extra 10 minutes just fly by.

• Alitalia check-in counter. Brindisi Airport. Southern Italy: An inauspicious beginning to my marathon flight to Sydney via Rome, Frankfurt and Singapore.

"How many bags to check in?" the Monica Bellucci lookalike inquires.

"Two," I reply.

"Are you sure you want to check them in?" Bellucci asks indifferently. "We've been losing quite a lot lately."

• Front row of a Ryanair 737. Stansted Airport, England: As the aircraft is pushed back, the passenger beside me points out the window and shouts: "Hang on, the stairs are still attached!" The aircraft halts, the hostess opens the door, the aerobridge is pushed clear and we start over.

"Shouldn't you at least fill out a form?" the passenger asks.

The red-faced hostess ignores him.

• Istanbul Airport, Turkey: A KLM 'red-eye flight' to Amsterdam. The boarding call is made and passengers descend the gangway to find the aircraft absent and a 3-metre drop to the tarmac. Flying is a leap of faith, but in Istanbul they take that literally.

• Booking a trip from London to Palermo, Sicily: I pay on-line, print my e-ticket and am shocked to read my booking reference number: Z754DIE. I am surely the only passenger in the history of aviation who's been spooked by his receipt.

• Departing Rome in an Alitalia MD-80: I can't photograph the Coliseum because of a spider in my window, clinging to its web and waiting on a passing insect. Could the window possibly be airtight? I cross myself and wish I had the critter's Frequent Flyer Points.

• After a flight from Rome, I await my suitcase at the baggage carousel of Brindisi Airport. As it slides towards me I notice the lock is smashed, the case is open and held together by a combination of sticky tape and a strap. When I get home I find other people's personal effects in my gear, including a harmonica and a packet of golf tees. Unfortunately I can play neither.

Australian airlines are the best in the world. Staff are sometimes rude. Flights are often late. Food is nearly always second-rate. But after flying in European skies I can assure you that such trivialities are the least of a passenger's problems.